JEALOUSY: Are you a victim or are you using your tool wisely?


S(he)’s green-eyed, cranky and not having it! The jealousy monster has caused many of us (ahem, cough, cough) to do ridiculous things.


Anybody out there figured out their significant other’s voicemail password so they could check all their messages and then cursed them out when they heard something they shouldn’t have been able to hear in the first place? What about reading your boy/girlfriend’s facebook/twitter (blah blah blah) electronic media messages very carefully in search of a some sign that their eye may be straying? Passed by their house three times in a row because you were in the neighborhood? Called that phone number that you just happened to find lying around in their wallet/purse? If you have keyed a car after a breakup, raise your hand? Ha ha…gotcha!

Well if you have ever given in to the monster of the green-eyed variety, do not despair too too much (just a little). While it is true that jealousy most often arises from feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem (boo!), an article from O, The Oprah Magazine (click here to read), indicates that some jealousy can be positive for your relationship. In fact, it seems that a little jealousy can reignite a stale partnership and remind your partner that you are hot stuff.

Now, that sounds really backward to me and also a little degrading (to both genders) but it also reminds me that human beings are just animals. We have mating behaviors like other animals and apparently we need to feel the competitive edge to get back in the game. In fact, the article points out that animals like chimps and birds also give in to feelings of jealousy. There is a juicy tidbit in there about a diva-chimp named “Passion” who pimp-slaps her chimp-man for daring to look away when she waves her booty in his face. How dare he?!!! Don’t worry Passion, your name itself guarantees you will not be lonely for long.

There is also mention of a male bird who leaves his woman-bird alone for too long and these wiley researchers stick a stuffed bird toy next to her, just to see, you know? So guess what happens when he gets back? Domestic violence! Jealous male-bird yells at the toy and proceeds to attack his woman and pull out her feathers. She runs away. Poor victimized bird. She had no name. I’m going to call her Rhianna.

Highlights of the article:
*When jealous, men are more likely to walk away from the relationship to save face.
*When jealous, women are more likely to stay and try win men back (yup, animals. Maybe fighting for the opportunity to procreate?)
*Main recommendation of article: “If you’re spying or obsessing and can’t stop, consult mental health professional”

In other words, if men start looking for another “prospect”, they can have their cake and eat it too and women will chase after them because it is exciting and brings the sizzle back into the boring relationship. If women do the same, the men will walk away and Passion will pimp-slap them for doing so. There also may be an incident where a domestically violent beat-down takes place. And if you Green-eyed monsters begin to feel unhinged and stalkerish and can’t think straight when jealous, put the rabbit down, Glenn Close, and go see a mental health professional immediately!

It is to be noted that I do not promote insecurity, low self-esteem, cheating, pimp/chimp-slapping, feather pulling or jealousy induced rages.


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