Sometimes there are things that happen to us that we just don’t expect. In fact, we watch with empathy as others suffer, never thinking that we could be going through something similar or even worse one day soon. It seems that it is actually healthy denial to live that way.  It would not be beneficial to worry all the time that the worries of others will be yours and anticipate them anxiously.  However, it does not make it easier to accept when the stress, disasters, traumas and just plain BS of life actually do come to your doorstep. Most likely, you had been living comfortably in a rose colored bubble of confidence and a positive outlook,  not worrying that something was going to come to you and just completely obliterate your idea of how your life was supposed to be going.  These unexpected events turn us around and leave us standing on our heads wondering what just happened and whether everything we knew before of ourselves and others were really true.  THOSE unexpected things are not the simple things of change and transition requiring a simple modification of thought  but the things that require you to adjust the very fabric of how you view yourself and others and whether you can allow yourself to rebuild your own vision of yourself and others in a healthy way and not in a way born of fear of that particular unexpected event happening again.

At that point, when the unexpected does hit…we have some choices, I think.  One, we can become traumatized and bitter.  Everything that reminds us of that event will make us feel that the event will occur again no matter if there are new participants.  You know, a +b = c and all that jazz.  If you are the commonality (a, for example), you might start to believe that because you are you (a), and you add the b, then that unexepected event (c) will occur again and that sounds pretty scary if that event caused enough trauma.  Whatever unexpected event occured for you at that point then becomes your prison and you may stop yourself from ever having a positive path with that experience.

The second choice might be taking it to a more spiritual place.  People often say that things happen for a reason.  You know, that old saying that when one door closes another one opens. Sometimes the unexpected event was placed before us to challenge us not to prove to us that we have big problems like everyone else, but because the path we had been going on was not for us and we needed a huge slam against our speeding train forward to knock us onto the course that is really meant for us.  Since we were probably getting really comfortable with the cadence and speed of our train, this felt like a possibly fatal collision at the time, but our second option may actually be what’s best for us.

For the positive thinker, the unexpected is an opportunity for change for the better.  A sign that we had not been traveling the correct path or that something needs to be reassessed along that road.  Because we choose to see it that way, we have the power to shape our movement forward. The unexpected is still very hard to go through in the moment, but when we build up our reserves, our resilience and coping skills, we can make it through and prosper, even when that change felt icky when it began. For all those dealing with the unexpected, may your transition be quick, manageable, balanced and in the direction you desire.

Yin and Yang illustrated from the Tao Te Ching [2]

When people see things as beautiful,
ugliness is created.
When people see things as good,
evil is created.

Being and non-being produce each other.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low oppose each other.
Fore and aft follow each other.

http://www.iep.utm.edu/yinyang/